sometimes...

Sometimes I wish we never met

This world that we lived in was just an illusion

just a mere canvas painting displayed at a museum

a snow globe that will only come alive when shaken

those short fiction story you'll find inside a newspaper

sometimes..I wish it was just a dream

goodbye 2009

Another Year is passing us by

we leave behind the past and look on to the future

praying and hoping for a better tomorrow in him

sadness overwhelms me, of the way I felt that time

I wish for it to be different next year,

no more sorrows when I hear your voice.

Winter. 12/22/09

Cold night winds brought me to tears

sounds of crickets kept me from my sleep 

I remember our pact, it made me sad

knowing it is only in our mind, never in reality.

you know it better than I do, this thing with us will never come about... 

"Blue Xmas"- by Bright Eyes

close minded?

As believers we were taught to forgive, it may be hard sometimes but that's the best way to move on.

I've said this numerous times to myself and to my friends, at times I would forget and even hate the whole

concept. All the conflicts make my stomach sick, drama's that I don't need in my life popping out of nowhere,

gives me a headache! I become defensive and at times hopeless... before I realize it, I'm back to square one.

I'm reminded of how close minded human can be, ignoring the problem, and just running away from it.

Current Obsession.

The flavor of love

Can love really be define by it's flavor?

If I had to answer that question, then I would say

The taste of LOVE is 'Bittersweet'

yes, it is both bitter and sweet.

these are the moments that we'd most likely remember and look back on...

at the same time there are those that we choose to treasure

and maybe later on, for whatever reason, want to forget.

After all these years...

Passado todos estes anos penso que estou pronta para deixar.

Tudo que pensei que pudessemos ser era apenas um sonho

Quero seguir em frente e parar este sofrimento

Eu não mereço esta dor, esta dor que me consome

Nunca quiseste saber,nunca tiveste e provavelmente nunce irás ter

Esta é a minha despedida.....

cred. H.Silva :) 

I hold my Breath, and bite my lips

unrequited love? 

such love can only be understood by someone who has been through it. 
Painful.
heartbreaking.
breaks you down to the core. 

------------------------------------------------

acceptance.

learning to deal with reality.

positive attitude.

distraction.the future.

^these are the good qualities to obtain while getting over that one person.

------------------------------------------------

finding appreciation in yourself.don't dwell on the past.too much grief is not good for the soul. if it helps, ask yourself "Why would I want to give my 100% to someone who will never love me back?" y/n?

nonetheless  I wish I could learn the choreo to that song, it's o0o so good!

Surrender

Mind is elsewhere. Silence is what I need.

Head is full of unwanted thoughts. Eyes filled with red lines.

Droplets lingering my cheeks.I feel so far from you yet again

Ashamed.Apologetic.Embarrassed.Unworthy... to the core.

I have no sense of direction. It's a dilemma!

I wish to disappear, just for a moment, to where I can surrender to you...over and over again

My kind of Xmas

The other day there was rain, water droplets decorated my window.

Hot cappuccino in one hand, as the scent of peppermint invest the room.

At times like this I wish for the simple things...

Sounds of fireworks, twinkling lights in every corner of the streets.

Laughing and being merry with Family and Friends,

Reminiscing the good old days as tears begins to form.

I miss the traditional Xmas, knowing the real meaning that's being celebrated.

I miss going to different houses, eating delicious food made from scratch.

I miss longing for that moment, where family arrives waiting to see you and kiss you "Hello".

good things like these are to be cherished, these are real blessing that we should all be thankful for...  

(oldies but goodies -Dec 7, 2008-) "This indescribable reward"

This unfailing thoughts that still lingers in her head

...shall she weep about it once more?

seeing you through her unwanted blurry mirror,

only to find hidden feelings surfacing ... shattered feeling, with no meaning.

Have she found you?

the path that she had chosen was vital to her own helpless feelings.

did going about it quickly make it all not worthwhile?

Ignoring all her thoughts made her so undeniably breakable.

that wittiness she once longed for oozes in triumphant; flying yet so far unreached to the touch.

tell her now oh great one! where does she go about finding this indescribable reward ?

can't stop the feeling

What is the right way to go about it?

When everything you've tried seems to go to waste

Denying everything, putting it aside doesn't work.

Keeping yourself occupied makes it even worse.

Thoughts are always leading me there

Should I just admit it to myself and say it out loud?

Listening to : Jan Geun Suk "Without Words"

P.r.o.m.i.s.e.s

Promises are meant to be kept, I think we can all agree to that.

don't break it, especially when that person chooses to trust you once more.

take advantage of it, you could be missing out.

don't ever forget it, you might just end up regretting it.

 those chances comes once in your life...so don't let it pass you by!

make me believe

Recycling what is in my head

even with new words, everything is still the same.

same heart, same feelings... what direction could this be going?

pulling me back without an inch of effort.

falling back to the same old trap, you're holding me back once more.

words are just words, I shouldn't believe it...

what is needed is something more, it can't be describe with just plain old words...

show it to me, prove me wrong! make me whole again, make me eat my words...

Never hopeless

Days goes by, worldly affairs is involved.

disconnected, with no sense of reality...

truth discovered yet ignored, left untreated once more.

his grace and forgiveness planted in us will not wither away

It's there to stay, comfort souls in need of redemption.

so young and restless, but in him NEVER hopeless.

winter 2006 - oh the memories!

ticking sounds

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock

movement of sharp object, accessing the head.

motion in the room, in every direction possible.

ready for relaxation, sweet thoughts of soothing entrees raising bars in my head.

control and command is in full control, ready for his words, I sit here to ponder...

will this degrading soul ever come to its full potential of receiving your love?

life goes on, even without you...

...Don't be so nice I'll keep wanting for more, don't be so mean you're jabbing through my soul.

I hate it when you smile, you make me want to cry. I love it when you laugh, they joy is a rush for my frail heart. We should have stayed apart, I think I can let go, I'm here to bid you goodbye..today, tomorrow and forevermore.

Forgiveness.

It takes many failures to find the right one, so they say...
I guess that is why they call it the "Right" one.
we go through life thinking that falling in love is the best thing
that could ever happen to us, but do we ever wonder how many heartbreak
one can experience to finally find the right one?

what does it take for someone to really capture your heart? is it really a matter of just personality?compatibility? physical features? I'm sure all of these things contribute to what we look for in finding the right one? y/n

these are just some of the questions that comes to mind when I see some of my friend's fall in love
or go through a heartbreak. Indirect experience of a heartbreak is by no means in the same level of someone who has actually experience it themselves, but it sure can effect you in some way if not another.

looking at them dealing with the whole situation is heartbreaking even after the matter has been put to the past. Loathing someone who you once loved is just one of the hardest thing a person can experience, but learning to forgive them is a gift from god that enables you to grow and learn from that mistake.

No matter how hard it is, at the end of the day, you will realize that the only way to finally be at peace, is to learn how to Forgive and move on.

.Undeserving.

Torn feeling inside, leads me to destruction

just when I'm led to the worst, I am drawn back & reconstructed

voices in my head, it comes and goes

tears can't be stopped, it's pouring down like rain.

unworthy of your love, I'm undeserving of anything from you

I'm fighting battles, it's taking over my life

all that I need, all that I long for is right here with me in spirit.

Grasp,perceived.acceptance.

curiosity seems to have taken over my head

heart wrenching, a black and white feeling.

decisions can't be made, this dilemma is overwhelming.

you are there and I am here.

we are not one, apart more and more.

thought it was you, only to be frustrated by what was answered.

morning and night, it just builds up inside.

truth is now revealed, grasp by the hand, perceived, and live with it to no end.

Nothing Fully disappears

Memories are kept for the heart

defining every single action is not enough

some things are forgotten in time

though the one that pierce the soul stays behind

it becomes a part of us, lives in our heart maybe even scarred.

nothing fully disappears, just deep buried inside... not left to care for anymore

Back to the core

Soothing sensation is so easy to feel

what is real is hidden under the surface

something exist not just in my heart

I see it in yours, building up from time to time

traces in my heart revealed through the looking glass

faded by the easterly wind, driving it mad, then back to the core.

In his time

Through the good times I sing you a song

in this hard times I long for your soul

when all else fails, you were always there in a heartbeat
 
when things are in place, we're separated only by distance

stars are in place, the sun will shine once again

chances we've taken are there for a reason

If it was in his plans, it is in his time.

Weak for you are strong

For you have watched over me when I was innocent in your eyes

throughout my years, faith & hope washed over all of my sins

promises are kept, your love is never ending...

emotions in my heart transpire through the eyes

water pouring down in darkness, releasing indescribable emotions.

these stains in me disappears in a blink of an eye

setting me free, liberating my soul

praises to you my one and only

highest in his kingdom, glorious is your name!

Towards you

what I'm holding on to is flying away

the wind blows to the east

while I sit here waiting for the mist

aching feeling of what is to come

scared out of my mind, will it be won?

I need an answer, something to ease my mind

selfishness of this soul, only visible to you

forgiveness is at its very end, you've always known

looking towards you.. I find my heart pouring out unconditionally.

Hosana nas alturas

and so the girl prayed

Dear Lord,

I am here, waiting, hoping for you to call out my name. Lord, I want you to use me in any way
you can, that is the greatest gift you can ever give to me. This world is full of hungry people
dying to know your words...Am I good enough to represent you? even in the smallest way possible?
let me be useful lord, I want to live my life glorifying your name. Let me feel your grace work through me, feeling peace and love with others, singing out beautiful tunes towards you...'Hosana nas alturas' this is they way I want to live my life, for that is the only way to the kingdom of GOD.

with love,

lover of god

"He"

Only time will tell

How I'm able to comprehend

all this emotion without breaking

I am strong in him, forever and always

HE knows me more than you

HE loves me more than you

He's my savior in all that I go through

Strong Faith

Don't have much to say today

but I leave you with this

"We say it with our mouth and believe it in our heart...that is FAITH"

the end?

don't understand how it all began.
what I feel for you is sincerely the truth.
you've no idea how much it pains me,
seeing you there looking out but not to me.
I wish I was stronger facing you,
i'm lost when i'm with you, falling deeply, no longer in control. Hating myself for it made it even worse. Knowing you don't care, i feel so lost. Why am i being like this? I don't even know...i wish that you'd just get out of my life, maybe that would be better.

not to me

Coming into my life was a mistake

I hate to be the one to break it...

you've ruin me inside

I've shield it with no success

you're the only one capable of such travesty

just leave me alone, don't say anything anymore...not to me

our seperate way

Realization came too late

My heart was already in half

letting go of you is never the plan

seeing you happy is the only way...

our road has ended for good

now we shall go our seperate ways

where he wants us and know we'll get there in his time.

Reaching out

You've always held your ground

I'm digging in but you don't want to be found

It's always hard and never easy with you

What we choose to do seems to only shatter in darkness

The time we share, it's always ringing out

It's not to late to be found, I'm here reaching out.

10/20/09 Tuesday.

there's no end

It has always been you,  the one standing at the End.

there's never been anyone like you, kept looking but there's no End

my heart don't flutter for them, it's now frozen in time.

thought it was over, till you came to me unnoticed

why is it always like this? why only us?

it's hard to just walk away, for what seems to be a routine

I can't tell now..... how it's going to End...My Heart can't seem to comprehend.

10/18/09

this time around

Through the years, in all it's worth

You were never near, for all I know

in my heart, I had you buried

only to come around, when I feel lonely

This story of ours seems to never end

...don't know how to get over it, this time around.

only he knows how, where, and when? 

will I ever get the ending I long for & want. 

10/17/10 Saturday

Loneliness Abide

The words just seems to be lost

expressing it will never seem to last

there will be no more next time for us

because words are meaningless with no action 

we're unaware of just about everything

I'm waiting nearby, loneliness abide..

this is how it began, so this is how it's going to END.

Thursday 10/15/2009

Whirlwind mind

It's like being stuck in a whirlwind of distress

Feeling is out of control, searching for an answer..

yearning for some peace of mind, crying all the while

melodies of my mind ringing out tunes of some  assistance

You're there, looking down at me with love and assurance...

My father here I am, My Father here I stand ..do come and take me away

where do you draw the line?

This longing feeling never seems to disappear

in this cold weather, I wish your voice would appear

sounds of water drops on my window is all very real

sitting here, music swaying ...I reminisce of you

I've come to realize you will never come my way...

this heart of mine is playing with my mind

What do I do to make myself draw the line? 

Tuesday 10/13/09 

Inside & Out

Inside & Out you know the real me.

with no doubt in mind, I'm saved & redeemed.

this is what you've done to me, this is what I've been wanting.

to be unconditionally LOVE, even when I neglect and forget you're always watching.

10/11/09  "Happy Sunday"

I'm saying goodbye

This thing we have has worn me down

What's done in the past should not be brought up

It's killing me inside but I'm learning to let go

Knowing the future is not present for you and I

I now realize you were never mine

Someday we'll meet and know what happen was for the best

This is my Goodbye, I'm now Saying "goodbye" even though it's tearing me apart

10/09/2009

Every Struggle...

With Every Struggle, peace of mind I find in you

feelings of sorrow, strangling every veins in my body

you've touch me, made me feel your holiness is besides me

love is on the move, looking up to you I feel it too

finding you is where I should bow down and pray

moving forward, I'm on my way home back to you

nothing left to desire..

It's all a facade, it's not made of brick, this face could break in any minute.
seconds, now minutes ticking by, she's waiting to be save in time


however long that may be, please know that she'll always be there in spirit.
 
her loneliness cannot be beared with, she's losing it now with no sense of regret.
 
feeling neglected, no love, no passion left for desire...
 
heart stopped beating, ears have stoppped listening, eyes cannot see the light
 
drink it down, purge it out, the sensation doesn't seem to last...

Lost Sunshine

...Sunshine where have you dissapeared to now?

darkness has taken over me, the lights has gone away in sight.

scared of what's to come, indulging the bad is comfort for now

letting it out as if it's just air, feeling redemption is in need of a hand...

lonely wolf needlessly suffers alone, no friends, no foe, no prey left to find.

am now alone, searching for an answer... seems like losing the faith is the only answer.